


Roller Coaster

by Redbone135



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:55:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25398034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redbone135/pseuds/Redbone135
Summary: A short drabble, loosely inspired by the song Roller Coaster. Follows the metaphor of Neal and Emma's love being like a roller coaster.
Relationships: Baelfire | Neal Cassidy/Emma Swan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	Roller Coaster

**_Nights, flying down the 10, nearly 2 AM_ **

**_Happiness begins_ **

**_Days, lifted in a haze, we weren't just a phase_ **

**_We weren't just pretend_ **

Falling in love with Emma Swan was a lot like waking up to discover you were on a roller coaster of which you had no memory of buying a ticket for, much less boarding and buckling in. One minute he was asleep, dreaming of his father, and the next the car was moving and she was there. And as frightened as he probably should have been, as upsetting as the whole situation was, the only thought he could catch and hold onto was just how gorgeous she was. 

So he sat up and introduced himself, and he thought if he listened carefully he could hear the soft click of his heart buckling into this ride for the long haul, anxiety pooling in the pit of his stomach because he had no clue what this ride was going to look like, but it was too late to get off now. Too late to admit that after decades of being alone, he was more than a little frightened of this ride. 

But eventually, he had her smiling back, and agreeing to drinks, and to maybe this wasn’t going to be terrifying. Maybe he’d actually enjoy the ride. Maybe this would be the best decision he didn’t completely remember making. 

“Now how ‘bout that drink?”

“It’s not like I had anything better to do today,” she answered with a shrug.

And then the ride started to move.

**_I remember low lows and high highs_ **

**_We threw our hands up, palms out to the skies_ **

Their first date was like slowly being pulled towards the heavens, both trying their best to forget about the drop that they knew was coming. Talking to her wasn’t like his normal conversations, he didn’t feel compelled to pour on the charm or live up to lies he had crafted about himself. There was a royal dignity about her that Neal hadn’t seen since he’d left that other world so long ago. Like a princess who had slipped out of the pages of a story book. Like a warrior, born to the wrong century. She was both comforting and compelling, like gripping a safety bar as you lean back and watch the world slowly disappear behind you.

They ended the night laying on the roof of the concession stand, the cold rain soaking through their winter clothes as they looked up to the stars and forgot completely that what goes up must always come down. Because laying there and holding her hand, Neal felt like he was never going to come back from this. This steep incline was never going to twist back down. 

And so what if it did? Weeks would pass with Emma, months even, and slowly they both lost their fear of that drop. Because everything was new and exciting together, and so there wasn’t a thing in this world they couldn’t handle together. And Neal was right. There wasn’t a thing in *this* world that they couldn’t handle together.

“Do you believe in magic?”

“I take it you do.”

And with that one little question, Neal realized that the ride had stopped going up and was now hovering dangerously above a deadly drop.

**_It was fun when we were young and now we're older_ **

**_Those days when we were broke in California_ **

**_We were up-and-down and barely made it over_ **

**_But I'd go back and ride that roller coaster_ **

Neal had flown with shadows and fallen through swirling green portals, but nothing had ever made his stomach drop quite like August Booth. It was a gut-wrenching feeling, as if his heart was being pulled out of his chest by something far more powerful than gravity as too many new pieces of information whirled past him, sending him hurtling towards wrong conclusions. And he couldn’t slow this maddening descent down, he couldn’t even find the strength to scream. 

He had known there would be challenges, true - what roller coaster doesn't have it's frights?-, but he hadn’t expected them to be this big. Call him a coward, but he hadn’t expected the drop to be one to his death, as if suddenly all of their plans were careening off the tracks and he just wanted off this ride. He wanted to save himself. 

The call had already been made. Neal had moments to decide, before this terrible ride - that he hadn’t even bought a ticket for- came crashing to an end. The cops were on their way, one track ended in jail, the other in loneliness - which Neal knew better than most was a prison of its own - and he couldn’t divert Emma’s cart, but he had time to change his own.

“You’re doing her a favor,” August assured him.

“It doesn’t feel like it.”

And just like that it was over and nothing could possibly be worse than that first drop.

**_Faith led me to the clouds, reaching for the ground_ **

**_His life was upside down_ **

Except for in the months to come Neal would wish for that drop back. He would wish for the exhilarating thrill, replay it over and over again in his mind, because it was a hell of a lot better than what the rest of this ride had to offer. Because a roller coaster doesn’t just drop, it twists, and it turns, and it flips everything you have upside down. Which was where Neal was right now, so blind drunk that he was unaware which direction was up. 

But after the fear of that first drop, he couldn’t care less. He wasn’t afraid of anything anymore. His hands were stretched out wide, reaching for anything to slow the blur of the world around him. Or was it to blur the painfully slow world around him? Had he actually gotten so used to the speed of this ride that nothing else would do? 

And just when he’d had his fill of the nausea of alcohol and metaphorical roller coasters, when he thought he was going to be forever comfortable being jerked from one place to the next, he saw the sky again. He saw, what he thought, was the end of this hellish coaster.

“You can keep the scarf, really, I’ve got more.”

“And If I want to return it? Say, Friday night, around six?”

“Then I guess you can call me."

Neal breathed a sigh of relief, because this roller coaster was almost over.

**_Now everything has changed, we found better days_ **

**_But I still hear the sound_ **

**_I remember low lows and high highs_ **

**_We threw our hands up, palms out to the skies_ **

But as much as he wished she was the end of the ride, Tamara was just a different portion of the track. Because even though he filled his free time with her, Emma’s ghost never really left, now an uncomfortable third party to his new relationship. And sure, there were definitely high points in his relationship with Tamara, but there were low points, too.

And as much as Neal wanted to believe that this was a *new* ride, a new section of his life, he couldn’t help but be painfully reminded every now and then that while his time might belong to someone else now, his heart was still trapped on that damn roller coaster he’d boarded years ago. 

On their first date he ordered her a hot chocolate and she had looked at him as if he was crazy, because of course she was a coffee drinker. He knew that. And on the second date she’d watched him pocket some candy at the movie theater concession stand and given him a long lecture about how immature and irresponsible that was. Emma would have understood his explanation - a nervous force of habit. And on the third date, well, he was more than a little rusty, but he’d learned quickly enough that she wasn’t Emma. Wasn’t Emma. Wasn’t Emma. Each little reminder another twist in the track. Each curve concealing new dips and dives for his heart to take, each one less terrifying than the first, but just as uncomfortable in other ways. But at least everything was slowing down a bit. And it always slowed down right before the end.

“UPS package for 407,” the strange voice crackled into the intercom by his front door.

“Does that trick really work on people?” he chuckled to himself as he lifted the window to the fire escape.

But as he rounded the corner, crashing into her like an unstoppable force meeting an immovable object, he realized he had another very big drop ahead of him. 

**_It was fun when we were young and now we're older_ **

**_Those days that are the worst, they seem to glow now_ **

The ride always ends with one, last, fear-inducing drop, he reminded himself. There’s a camera to take your picture as you go crashing towards the earth. Crashing towards the end. And so Neal was determined to smile for that camera. He’d been on this roller coaster for ten years, and now he had the energy to lift his arms to the sky, shouting with joy, as his entire world tilted and then began careening downward. This ride had always been terrifying, but now, with her sparkling eyes only feet away from him, a son he was determined to befriend, and relationship with his father to rebuild, he could actually kind of enjoy the exhilarating horror of it all. 

And as his heart hurtled back towards her, he watched the wind carry away things he shouldn’t have ever brought on this ride to begin with. He watched it carry away his resentment of his father like loose change falling out of his pocket, whisking thoughts of Tamara and their upcoming wedding right alongside it. And he wanted to care, but he was having too much fun. 

So when they reached that last drop, the track disappearing into another swirling green abyss - he wasn’t afraid of this ride anymore. He had actually kind of enjoyed parts of it. The parts surrounded by her smile and filled with that unrestrained giggle that haunted his dreams. And yes, he couldn’t truly be sure that this didn’t all end in disaster, but it hadn’t killed him yet.

“Please don’t let go! I need you! I love you!”

“I love you too,” he assured her.

And then he raised his hands and smiled for the camera - for her - as he braced himself for one last drop.

**_It was fun when we were young and now we're older_ **

**_Those days that are the worst, they seem to glow now_ **

**_We were up-and-down and barely made it over_ **

**_But I'd go back and ride that roller coaster_ **

Everything was incredibly still for the first time in a decade. He wasn’t sure where he was, or why everything hurt so much, but he was startled by the stillness of the world around him. The peace as he opened his eyes and drew in a shaky breath. It was over, he was off the ride.

For a moment all he could do was sit in stunned silence, gathering his courage to take his first shaky step on solid ground, his knees weak as he came to terms with the idea of a world in which he wasn’t always moving toward Emma Swan. A world where he was free to find another ride - or better yet - go home to relative comfort and peace to never again think about the roller coaster of True Love that he'd just spent a decade trapped on. Of course… there was always that third option...

Here he was, finally free and forgiven, after a decade. No more ups and downs, no more upside down, no more twists and drops that left him reeling with emotion. He hadn’t planned to see it this far, but he had, and he could rest assured that Henry was with Emma and neither one needed him now. 

“Look at his clothes, he’s lying. He’s from the same world Emma and Snow are from.”

“Emma Swan,” he repeated, letting the name envelope him. “I have to get back to her. I have to help her!”

Because falling in love with Emma Swan had been the best roller coaster Neal Cassidy had ever been on and he was damn determined to ride it again. 

**_But I'd go back and ride that roller coaster. With you._ **


End file.
